Adventuresof a Transcultural Gal In The Metropoli (djpekky) wrote in parejas_pinata,
Adventuresof a Transcultural Gal In The Metropoli
djpekky
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Starings, Stereotypes, Disapprovals, Approvals (From our own community)



Have you seen starings and dissapproval from other Latinos when you and your partner are together?

I know several Latina friends who get bothered when a Latino guy dates a non-Latina. The excuse they mention is that there are few worthy Latino guys according to them. Some of these Latina girls are in my family.

Some guy friends of mine also get annoyed at that, especially (but not exclusively) when the guy in question is a white American. I remember when my sister was dating a Mexican American. At that time I was on a date with my then future boyfriend, who was an Indian. The day before, my sister's then boyfriend also noticed my also Indian best friend picking me up. When I came from my date with my ex, the Mexican American guy said "I have noticed you hung out with two Indian guys. What's wrong with us Latinos?"

Last sunday, I was in the mall with my current boyfriend. Curiously the Indians at the mall did not detect us, but I saw a Latina woman staring at me. I never thought that would be possible, but that day in the mall it happened.

What many South American Latina mums (in particular) seem to be approving of, even over Latinos, is white American husbands. They go and say that they are the best quality, etc. Some South American Latina girls agree, but they say that, instead, white women are bitches. My sister was talking about how bitchy were two white friends married to Latinos when they even forgot to take the trash out or wash their dishes.

My brother is engaged to a white American girl and one of my sisters confessed to me in private that my brother's fiancee is wonderful, but if there was a Latina with the same qualities, she would prefer the Latina girl for my brother.

In cases like mine, dating Asian guys, or my cousin who dated an Arab, we have had the same annoying comments and questions: "You are feminists, aren't they in total discord with that?", "Aren't you afraid the guy hits you?" "Are you willing to become a housewife?" "Aren't you afraid they leave you for someone of their race/culture/religion (or an arranged marriage, etc.)"

A Colombian friend of mine dated a Chinese girl for a while. They both were in Miami, which is like, full of Latinos and this is what he told me "I mean, I was never popular among Latina girls and yet in Miami they came and looked at us in anger, as if we were doing something wrong for dating each other.


These are my own particular experiences regarding me and others related to me. What has been your experiences? Have been similar or different to these ones?
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Interesting that the Latino guys you've dated have been that way. I can honestly say that I am guilty of that as well--I used to do it whenever I had to be in social situations w/my husband's family/friends (he's Filipino). I thought it was just me though--they are an extremely tight knit "clique" (for lack of a better word) and b/c of that, I was (and still am not) never accepted into it.
Ah, I'm English and my boyfriend is Colombian. I'll be going with him to his country soon for the first time. I hope I don't get anything like this.
His family is the only Latino family I know of in our area, and his sister seems fine with me, and his parents when they came to visit, thankfully.
In Colombia they will be very friendly. They will be curious, but they will be very friendly.

Is the community in the US of A which has this. I guess it has to do with the fact that they are confronted to a new culture. But in our countries people are pretty friendly and accepting.

You should not worry at all. :)

Peace!

Pekky
Yes, I have had experiences similar to yours. When I was dating a white American back in college, we'd get looks from mostly Latinos and African-Americans. They were very negative towards him being w/me, and he put up w/alot of slack.

But now the shoe is on the other foot. I have been w/my husband for a total of 10 years (dating and married), and the reactions we get are from Asian-Americans towards myself--stares, dirty looks (especially from Asian women), etc. And now that we have a child, it's even worse. They look at the both of us, and then check out our child to see who he looks like. I used to get angry about it, but now I just laugh it off.
In my neighborhood there's a group of Latinos that saw me saying goodbye to my boyfriend at the door a couple of time and approached me about dating white guys, as if it were some taboo. They said stuff like "You got a problem with a little color? You're colored too!"

I was kind of angry because I know they're not the only ones who think so. The women in my family always give me dark looks when I mention I date white guys, as if they're poisonous or something. Honestly, I don't really like Latino boys because I've had some bad experiences... Unfortunately, most of the Latinos I've come across exude this disrespect for women that I find very conflicting in any type of relationship. However, a general sense of equality is more prominent in white culture... And I can only really get along with someone who will respect me.

But when I try to explain this to my Latina family memebers it's only misunderstood as romantic racism. Figures, right?
Since I am new to this community, I just read this (even though it was posted in July. Lol)

I am white, Irish-American, I have noticed that my family and my community are actually less accepting of my husband and me than the Latino community has been with us. When I was in El Salvador, every one was great and his family was so great in accepting me. I had several conversations with his mother and his sisters and I felt like one of the family. Even when we were both here the U.S. together the Latino community didn't seem to have a problem with it. I actually was the only American that worked in a chain of family owned "taquerias" and "tiendas" with my husband, and they made me feel at home.

My family on the other hand, was a lot worse. My dad whined for about six months after my husband and I got married because I didn't marry an Irish guy. He also told me stuff like "how are kids going to celebrate their Irish heritage if the didn't look Irish". It really hurt because race didn't matter at all to me. I loved the culture difference and it just made me love my husband even more.

Also, in the town that I am from, it is a little tiny midwestern town and everyone is white. There have actually been times that my husband and I have gone into a store and literally had people staring at us with their mouths hanging open. And when I tell them that I am going to name our son "Lucio" (I am nine months pregnant), they look at me like me like I am crazy. I think that it has just been taught to us in society that it is not acceptable to date or marry someone of a different race (even though that way of thinking is soooooooooooo wrong). I understand what you all are going through too. I think it is really silly of people but I guess one just has to turn the other cheek and ignore it, as hard as that is. I am glad to know that I am not the only one going through this!! :-) Good luck!!