Mujer de Oruga (lilpeace) wrote in parejas_pinata,
Mujer de Oruga


Glad to see there is a community like this. I've been trying to find resources and support and it's been difficult so far.

I live in Michigan, USA, am of German and Welsh descent, families are a mix of New England WASPish and Southern background. My fiance is Mexican, of Spanish and indigenous descent, and lives in Michoacan, MX. We are currently in the process of getting him a K1 (fiance) visa. In a month I am going to live there until we get the visa, and then we are both moving back here, at least until he gets permanent residency.

Lately I've found us running up against cultural barriers, misunderstandings, miscommunications. This is to be expected, I suppose, but it is forcing me to take a closer look at how racism and ethnocentrism have indeed affected my perspective. I am struggling with this, because I consider myself to be an ally and an activist on several fronts and, up until recently, floated along blindly under the assumption that I was fairly self-aware and had my privileges in check. Wrong. This is not to say that he hasn't made his own mistakes, or said things that should not have been said, but he has been more understanding and flexible than I have. I feel like in some ways I've taken myself too seriously, and tried to really break down this relationship into leftist political correctness--in action, in thought, etc. It has hindered more than helped, I think, because I am constantly second-guessing myself and not allowing the relationship to just happen. However, I am really invested in identifying and working on aspects of myself that manifest in an assuming or judgemental way. I want to raise children who identify with and are proud of the good in both cultures and who take responsibility to change the bad, while also equipping them with tools to fight racism and prejudice that they will likely encounter as mexican-americans. I guess I am constantly afraid of how exactly I will do this, as their white mother...

Yeah. That's just the beginning, and most of it hasn't happened yet. So, I'm glad to have y'all.
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